Things aren't real until someone with prestigious credentials says so...and that really blows my top. Like, I get it.. muhfuckas gotta go to school, get a degree (or 5).. I appreciate that the medical professionals are educated in their specialty, but please.. let's be so fuckin forreal...
The healthcare system is so broken and corrupt; as is everything here in America (on Earth, actually). I am aware that it was purposely set up that way, cause errbody hate Black people... but I digress.
To be seen and not heard is so crazy to me.
My appearance takes up a lot of space, yet I'm still so invisible?!
You could be screaming from the rooftops that something is wrong and somebody, anybody, especially a medical professional, will try to convince you that you're okay and everything is fine.
"Let's not be dramatic.".
Don't get me wrong, I am indeed.. DRAMATIC. Real bad.
Now I may not know errthang, but I know a lot and I know my body even more than that.
Overall, I'm generally healthy. Almost anything that has seriously been wrong with me could not visibly be seen and would need extensive testing to be discovered.
But you have to FIGHT for someone to hear you
and that's exhausting.. exasperating.. infuriating..
and it's a never-ending fight cause it's above healthcare shrug
What's my diagnosis, you ask?
Well, in 2014 (approximately); after going through some rounds of therapy (white man), then to a psychiatrist (black woman), I was diagnosed with chronic depression & insomnia..
Prescribed meds that made me want to seriously jump... I knew that was not right.
I also prefer a more holistic approach because I've never trusted American medicine.
As far back as I can remember, there's always been inner turmoil & anguish, to put it descriptively. So did I exhibit those symptoms? Yes, but was further digging done? No.
Not by the MPs who were supposed to figure out the problem/cause.
I am not a trained doctor.. It's not MY job to tell the doctor what could have caused the issues.. it's my job to recognize a problem, seek help, and describe my experience.
And every time.. I have to BEG to be heard.. I really dislike begging. They make it real easy to give up.
Fast forward to 2024.. I have officially been diagnosed with ADHD & OCPD. These 2 disorders existing comorbidly can cause unmanageable levels of chronic depression & insomnia. I researched for YEARS to come to a self diagnosis. Everything became a bit clearer after I had a child of my own who exhibits symptoms that could potentially impact his mental health negatively if left undiagnosed. My son helped me narrow my diagnosis' down, but I still have a lot of hurdles to jump over.
I still have to get him diagnosed, but I knew early on that there was something going on and you know what doctors said, "He's just a growing boy.. I'm sure he'll grow out of it."
Now I finally have a referral for him to get help and waitlists are CRAZY LONG.
This is only just a piece of my journey and I still have a ways to go, but I am grateful that I finally got the validation that I need to even be taken seriously to get help for myself and my child. I want to be able to pour the grace into him that he deserves and make sure that my advocation will help him to grow, learn, and cope without having to spiral out of control when he no longer has a safety net.
The math made sense to me.. It does bother me that I wasn't diagnosed as a child. I know there's no use in feeling down or wondering what could have been or crying about all of the time I feel like I've lost. There is no blame to be placed.
I love to be right, but that doesn't help in this case... there's no gloating.. only despair & disappointment. I just hope that things can work in my favor so that I can successfully move along my treatment plan with positive impacts on my future.
I'll make another post soon to go over my 13 day titration period of generic Adderall..
It was definitely an experience.
Adult attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a mental health disorder that includes a combination of persistent problems, such as difficulty paying attention, hyperactivity and impulsive behavior. Adult ADHD can lead to unstable relationships, poor work or school performance, low self-esteem, and other problems.
OCPD - Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder
Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD) involves an extensive preoccupation with perfectionism, organization and control. People with OCPD have rigid beliefs and need to have control of themselves, others and situations.
I tried to get this posted before the last day of ADHD Awareness Month ended, but.... missed the deadline by a hair jhajajajajaja!
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